BDSM Reviews

Friday, September 01, 2006

Come Hither: A Common Sense Guide to Kinky Sex By: Dr. Gloria G. Brame

Title: Come Hither: A Common Sense Guide to Kinky Sex
Author: Dr. Gloria G. Brame
Publisher: Fireside
Genre: BDSM Nonfiction
ISBN: 0-684-85462-7
Rating: 4 out of 5

Dr. Gloria Brame’s book has the ambitious task of attempting to introduce the reader to all things kinky. It does a better job at introducing and discussing BDSM than other kinks. Nevertheless, the book touches on subjects ranging from BDSM to infantilism, from shoe fetishism to a fetish for toy balloons.

For the purposes of the BDSM reviews, there are several things to recommend this book. The most useful thing about the book is Dr. Brame’s willingness to propose alternatives for toys. She makes a number of excellent suggestions on how to create makeshift toys as well as her suggestions on toys on which it is worth spending more money. The middle part of the book is essentially dedicated to the “kink” of BDSM. The rest of the book has strong references to BDSM, and it is clear that this is an area where Dr. Brame has some experience and knowledge. She has a clear understanding of pain play and some really good suggestions for improving it.

Another nice thing about Dr. Brame’s book is the way she works related sexual practices into BDSM. I think it’s a pretty well established fact that there are a number of overlapping areas where BDSM meets other alternative lifestyles. The gay/lesbian scene gets some play in this book, as do fetishism, transgender/transsexual issues, and a number of other interests. This is where Dr. Brame’s book differs significantly from other introductions to BDSM – she is extremely inclusive. When she says it’s a guide to kinky sex, she means it in the general term, not as a narrow euphemism for only BDSM.

A long discussion of roleplay versus lifestyle makes for some interesting reading. Most introduction books either assume one or the other or gloss over the differences. Dr. Brame discusses the differences in a way that (I think) helps explain both choices clearly, and may help shed some light on an area where communication is often a bit muddled (at least in my experience).

Dr. Brame also gives us a number of quizzes and games in this book. The Kink Quotient Quiz is fun, and the “Ready…or Not?” might be very helpful in determining if a beginner is ready to actually begin. At the end of the book, she provides a fun party Trivia game (a torturously difficult one, with appropriate consequences!) as well as suggested reading and viewing.

Now for the reason it got four rather than five on the scale. There were a few things that annoyed me about this book. First, the overuse of the word “kinky” bordered on the ludicrous. It actually became distracting. I wanted to get a pen and paper and keep score. Second, Dr. Brame’s writing style often borders on condescending, and her assumption that her audience has a limited intellectual capacity can be extremely obvious. Finally, and perhaps most irritating (irritating enough that I considered knocking this book down another half point) is her chapter on “Power Relationships.” In the context of this book, I expected this to be where she addressed dominance and submission more directly (it is rolled into the SM part of the program elsewhere). Indeed, she herself says so in the first sentence of the chapter. Unfortunately, however, the four and a half page chapter (!) instead gives you two diatribes: one on why you should keep your kinky sex life from your kids (because if you don’t CPS will take them from you – a good point, to be sure) and one on whether you should tell your other relatives about your kinky sex life. Now, perhaps I am just being picky, but if you tell me that a chapter is going to talk to me about power relationships, I don’t really want or expect to be harangued about whether I tell Aunt Joanie about my sex life.

In summary, then, Dr. Brame’s book is a nice overview of a variety of alternative sexual practices, with an emphasis on BDSM. If you are considering getting into pain play, this has a lot of good how-to information. There are some definite problems with this book, but there is also a lot of good information.

Reviewed By: Elise Logan

Posted by Miranda Heart :: 6:51 PM :: 0 Comments:

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